Is Networking…Making Friends??
It’s been a humid summer and it got me thinking about friends/communities and how the games industry gifted me with some of the most amazing friends in my life. It just so happened that I met most of these people at industry events! But I’ve often heard of the narrative that some people prefer talking about professional matters and aren’t looking for friendships. Which really got me thinking about perspectives and their thoughts behind it. So I’m doing a weird format today:
I won’t be giving out advice or concrete tips. Instead I want to write about the different viewpoints I’ve heard about networking and how/why they are valid. I don’t have a clear answer, but I want to bring these thoughts and concepts in the spotlight. My hope is that it helps shed lights on why certain people act a certain way. Why is it that for some, networking is truly about finding friends and community VS why it should be kept at a professional level without expectation of anything more. I think both are valid. But before digging into it, let’s do a quick review of the major DO NOT’S at a networking event because…well because it’s still an issue!!
Today’s topics:
DO NOT(s)
When networking is friends
When networking is NETWORKING
DO NOT🚩
Opportunity seekers: They’re what I call the ‘hungry’ people, only out there to see what you can give them. Even with charisma, you can sense that they’re judging you for your worth to them. These people are not fun to be around and are probably not reading this either. But in the small chance you see yourself in this: Listen more, talk less. If you don’t have a genuine interest in people you might not last long in the field.
Intrusive Billy: I don’t know who Billy I just thought it sounded nice. Basically someone at a networking event that trauma dumps and asks way too many personal questions. Take a beat, breath, we just met you! Being so intrusive can automatically make you seem rude and insensitive because there’s a lack of understanding in the intentions of those questions. Remember, this is a networking event, some amount of distance and professionalism is required. Deep friendships can happen OUTSIDE of the event! Please pick an appropriate time and place for that.
Popularity clicks: Oddly similar to opportunity seekers, except that they’re usually well established but still deeply insecure. They’ll probably brush you off pretty fast because you’re not in a position that they find valuable. This one sucks because you hear such nice things about person XYZ and when you meet them..it’s a disappointment. Not much to do, let them live their lives, don’t run after seeking their attention. Also good moment to teach you: Don’t put anybody, especially in game dev, on a pedestal! And fuck auteurism.
In general, networking without being a walking red flag isn’t actually that hard. Just don’t be selfish, rude or a bigot. It’s fairly simple to be respectful and kind, actually. There’s some amount of common sense and self-actualization needed. If you truly feel singled out or are worried, try asking your peers for feedback❤ .
When networking is friends 🤗
A lot of us have a similarity of being the introverted shy kid in high school theater or band. We were the unpopular awkward nerds in school, sometimes (often) bullied or belittled for our interests, from both teachers and peers. But we marched on, kept that interest in games alive and one day, it becomes a career, REDEMPTION! Suddenly, you start meeting a whole buncha people that have the same interest as you. FRIENDFEST! Finding community is a basic human need and instinct, we need that feeling of belonging. So this is how I believe that networking translates into ‘making friends/community’ for many people in the industry. It comes from a place of lonesliness and finally finding a sense of belonging. There’s an assocation made that networking=friends
similar interest friends ftw!!
Thing is…not everyone has that perspective, experience or needs. And this is when things can start getting murky. After a couple years, especially for people that already have an established life outside of games (which we should all aspire too btw), they might not view networking the same way as fresh eyed person who finally found their spot. So let’s delve into the opposite perspective next.
When networking is NETWORKING ⚒
I notice this with more established/experienced folks: Some people want to keep their personal and professional life completly apart. They already have a community, a group of friends and feel fulfilled by the human contact they have in life. Their habits and routine have been solidified and they don’t particularily care for it be to changed. For them, networking events is prioritized as first a way to meet other professionals and talk about work. They might be interested in possible business, tools, your work as a professional. They’re less interested in hanging out. I’m not saying they’re never finding friends at these events!! I’m just saying that for some people, they might just not want to emotionally invest in it all the time. They already have a community to fall back to. They prefer keeping their social and professional life distinct at the point of time they are in their life.
Networking happens a lot online and with the rise of parasocial relationships and the known toxic and frankly, dangerous behaviors from the gaming community AND professional world, it is understandable for people to be reluctant. Just because you comment on someone’s online post does not mean you have become close friends and that said person ‘owes’ you a coffee meet up. If you know you will be at a professional event together, you can always politely ask if they have time to hang out! I have done so more times than I can count and have had wonderful encounters and coffee meet ups. But no one owes it to you and they might just have a jam packed schedule. Be aware that for some people, their job requires them to see so much online toxicity that they may not have the bandwidth for newer human connections. Point is, always ask and never assume.
The Middle Ground 🌓
So…what do we do with these different perspectives/needs/values? Well, I think it comes back to respecting boundaries, learning social cues and communication. For someone that really wants to make friends: Try to not be too intrusive or pestering. Some people are in the same wavelength as you and others simply aren’t. If you really want to hang with someone, you can just politely ask but you should NEVER feel entitled to their time. Politely asking goes a long way and making sure that you aren’t taking up too much of their time shows empathy and kindness. You don’t know what’s going on in the other person’s life. Hell, sometimes, even if you don’t hit it off immediately, you can revisit it a couple weeks/months/years later! Point is, give it time, and if it doesn’t, then it doesn’t. I promise you that you’ll find other people to hang out with, this industry is huge and constantly growing. Sometimes, it just takes time to find that circle (which by the way, changes over time). Point is: Be patient, there will be ups and downs in your social networking life and that’s okay.
Conclusion
Welp this was an awkward subject but I think an important one to bring to light. It’s intimidating and perhaps even embarrassing when you feel rejected at an event. People go into networking events with different mindsets, hopes and goals. At the end of the day, it boils down to a matter of respect, communication and boundaries. If you can find your new best friend, great! And if it seems like some folks would rather keep some space, that’s okay too. You don’t know what stressors or reasons they have (and nor is it your business to find out). Respect that boundary and don’t give up in finding your community!
That’s it folks! I really thought I was going to miss my July post and loose my monthly streak BUT SIKE IM HERE HAHA! Yesterday I posted on bluesky that there was a newsletter coming up tomorrow (today) and that gave me the extra pressure I needed to finish this. ALSO IF YOU HAVE SUBJECTS/THOUGHTS/QUESTIONS pleaaase email me or tag me on bluesky about it! I’m looking for more inspo so I’d love to know what folks are looking for!
hehehe i fooled myself and it all worked out
